"We've figured out the length of the dick, now fuck it." That's where I fucked up

Checking to see if my wife will let me if I get her drunk (spoiler: she will 😉)

Okay, I'll buy the $300 piece of shit, but don't forget the blowjob as a gift

I won't come inside, in case kraken babies are born 🐙

Are you trying to trick me into anal? Pfft, I'll put a cork in my ass and that's enough

Oh, well, if you have such a hard-on — give it here, I'm a doctor, I'll help!

What the fuck kind of gift is that? I wanted an iPhone, not a dick

I didn't let you fuck me in real life, you decided to fuck me in my sleep 😱 What a twist!

Stop playing, it's time to fuck me, Warhammer can wait and I want a cumshot